my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
