chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
