i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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