quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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