you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
