Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
