Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
