Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
