I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
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It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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