You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
