i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
