So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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