the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
