walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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