waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
