Why are handjobs necessary in class?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
