Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
