i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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