Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
