I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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