i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
