party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
