in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
