Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
