I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize