dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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