He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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