Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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