he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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