what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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