in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
