I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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