he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
