Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
