Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
