All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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