Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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