i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
