I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
