On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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