I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
