Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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