so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
