You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
