She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
