I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
