the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
