her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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