Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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