K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
oh god the rape fog is back!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
