good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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