me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
