Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
