The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I love you.
Bad choice
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
