from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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