So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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