So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
