why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
