i was born a porn star she said
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
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Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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