ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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