think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
