Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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